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Testimony of Mari Carmen

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What I am going to tell you is the most important thing that has happened in my life, above the birth of my children or anything else, and it is the fact of how I came to know Christ.

 

I was born in Seville in 1962. It was a more or less normal family, with a very hardworking father and a very busy mother with housework. We are 3 siblings, and I am the middle sister. But living together at home was not good. There was always anger about something, although, honestly, I can't complain too much, because the essential, the necessary, I never lacked.

 

My real problem started when I was around 13 years old, when I became a bit socially conscious and began to see the world around me, and it turned out that I liked it even less than my home.

 

It is a time that I do not like to remember, because I had a really bad time. He asked me the typical questions that I think we have all asked ourselves at some point: why are we born? What do we live for? Why are we here, only to die later? All this blocked me. I thought it didn't make sense. It seemed horrible to me to live in such a bad world, in which there is hunger, injustice everywhere, violence, wars... It was a time when I remember that I could not even watch the news, because everything I saw hurt me. So what could I do?

 

Well, to find answers, I went more and more into the Catholic Church, because I considered myself a Catholic. For example, the priest of the institute where I studied, I always overwhelmed him with many questions, about things he did not understand, the Trinity and other doctrines. The man always answered me: “Daughter, that's how it is. Those things are not explained. You have to believe it. They are dogmas of faith.”

 

With that I was not satisfied, so I decided to get more involved in the Church, and I was a catechist for a year, because people were needed to prepare the children for the 1st Communion, and I even prepared my little brother. What a paradox! Me teaching others what I didn't know myself.

 

When I was 14 years old I met the man who is now my husband, and shortly after we became boyfriends. But not even that satisfied me, because nothing I had calmed that great emptiness that I felt.

 

I began to attend meetings of Neocatechumenal Communities, but neither. I left the same way I entered, they didn't say anything to me at all. I was still the same, empty.

 

All this led me to shut myself up more and more and to think of death as a relief, I even began to entertain the idea of suicide, because I thought: “Total, to live like this, the sooner I die, the better.”

 

When I was 16 years old I was in the 2nd year of BUP, and there was a classmate there who was a Christian. He too, like the priest, was pestered with many questions. Anything she didn't understand, she asked him. But, besides, I had so much fury and rage inside, that it made the poor man bitter, and sometimes he ran away from me.

 

One day this colleague started handing out invitations for a meeting to be held in the assembly hall the next day, where a missionary pastor, Michael Carpenter, was going to attend. They were going to have a meeting for the young people, so that they could ask the questions we wanted about God.

 

This guy didn't give me an invitation, of course, I guess because he was afraid of me. The truth is that I never intended to hurt him, and I didn't contradict him for bothering him, but because I had so much need to know, that I hoped that he could give an argued answer to my doubts.

 

I would like to say that I had such a bad time at that time, that I understand people who fall into drugs or sects, because nothing that I had in my life (although I did not lack anything materially and I had my boyfriend), could fill The emptiness that I felt

 

The next day, of course, I went to the meeting, a meeting that was not there, due to lack of public. It wasn't anyone from the whole institute; just me. But I thank God very much for it, because that way I was able to talk everything I needed to with that missionary.

 

For me it was wonderful when that man opened the Bible and began to explain the Gospel to me, and told me that God had answers for my life, that there was a purpose, and that I was not here by chance, and that, furthermore, God loved me me personally; not only everyone in general, but he loved each one in particular, despite our stories and problems. And for me that was a huge relief.

 

But it didn't stop there, he started talking to me about sin. He told me about sin that God hated it so much that it separated me from Him, and that's why I was so bad, because I was separated from God. I thought: “sin? That's actually not that important. Well, I haven't killed anyone, I haven't stolen. The things that I have, with 3 Our Fathers and 2 Hail Marys, are solved, because they are not so serious.”

 

The Bible says in Romans 3:10: “There is none righteous, not even one.” I thought, “Well, the man isn't really that bad; we make mistakes sometimes, but deep down the man is good.” Really, I had no idea about the Bible or what God says.

 

He also told me about hell, which the Bible makes clear is a place prepared for those who reject Jesus Christ as Savior. I thought to myself, “I can't admit that. God is so good that hell sure doesn't exist." “But also, if it existed,” I thought, “I was a Catholic,” and, in any case, I believed that “hell would be for the very bad, like Hitler, etc.” But “we Catholics have no problem; first we go to purgatory and then the family, with their masses for the dead and their prayers, takes care of that.”

 

But above all, he told me about Christ, about the great love he had for me, and that it was absolutely necessary for him to die for our sins, and there was no other solution. He was the only one without sin, and there was no one in this world who could redeem us, and no sinner can die for another, because he is in the same condition. Only he who has no sin can die in the place of sinners.

 

And, therefore, it was necessary for us to reconcile ourselves with God. I said once more: “Well, what about the works?” Because they told me that to go to Heaven we had to be good. So, everything that I did in my efforts, was it not worth anything?

 

In Isaiah 64: 6 God says that our good deeds are like filthy rags before Him. So, this has already blocked me, because if my good deeds are dirty rags before God, what can I do? It was getting darker and more lost.

 

I thought at that time: "we Catholics have a lot of intermediaries, we have the saints, the Virgin Mary..." If my works were not enough, "at least," I thought, "we had intermediaries." But what does the Bible say about that? Can we reach God through them?

 

In 1 Timothy 2:5 there is a verse that I really like, and that helped me at the time. It goes like this: “Because there is only one God, and only one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,” that is, only one God and only one mediator, not many mediators. Only through Jesus Christ can we be saved.

 

So I could go on for a long time, telling everything I thought, and that the Bible taught the opposite. But, with each argument that the Bible gave me, I was closing my mouth more and more, and I was convincing myself that they were not my reasoning, and that the Word of God is the one that has the definitive authority.

 

The truth is that I was used to biblical stories, because everyone in Spain (at least, of my generation) has grown up with the stories of the Bible. For me they were beautiful stories, like those of Jesus Christ, that my father read to me as a child, and I loved it, but they were just beautiful stories, from our tradition or culture, and that's where they stayed, or so I thought.

 

But, when I got closer to the Word, and they began to teach me what the Bible says, I realized how big it is. It is not just a beautiful book; it is the Word of God. The Creator and omnipotent God has taken the trouble to write a letter to men, and has left us in writing what His Will is. For me this was something impressive.

 

For two weeks after I went to that meeting, I started skipping class to attend meetings to hear the Word. And that was how long it took me to fall to my knees before God. I asked him for forgiveness for my sins, and to save me, and I thanked him with all my heart for the Work of Christ in my place. It was I who should have died on the cross, and not Him. However, He decided to die on the cross for me, so miserable.

 

And I was doing it over the next few days over and over again, morning, noon, and night. I literally got down on my knees and cried out to him, “Lord, forgive my sins. Lord, save me. Thank you very much for Jesus Christ.” Until I understood that God had listened to me from the first time, and that I didn't have to do it anymore, and I was able to stay calm.

 

I want to make it clear to you that for me this has not been a change of religion: it is not that I was Catholic before and now I am an evangelical, far from it. God caught me when I was completely sunk, I had no expectations of life, nor did anything I had fill me. He changed my mind and my heart. He convinced me of sin, which I didn't even believe I had. And he made me see how much I needed him.

 

I also don't want anyone to feel offended by something I may have said about the Catholic Church; It is not my intention to speak ill of Catholics. I just want to humbly share my experience and how I got here.

 

I would also like to invite everyone who reads this story, to listen to the Word of God, to really think about these things, which are eternal. Things here, on Earth, last a very short time. The ones that are really important are the ones written in the Word of God. Don't let the days slip by without paying attention to what God says.

 

I do not mean to say that, since I gave my life to God, everything has been perfect, rosy. That is not true; I have problems, like everyone else. But I tell you from my heart that I would not change myself for anyone in the world, because nothing else can be equal to the fact of feeling reconciled with God, and the peace that He gives you. That is my strength, and it is my driving force every day: knowing that I am at peace with God. My bills are paid before Him. Why? Because I am perhaps better than the others? Not at all, but Christ has paid my bills. The debt that I owed to God for my sins, Christ paid on the cross for me. That gives me a lot of joy.

 

You may be thinking: “how can you be so sure?” This security does not come from me. It comes from the Word of God. And I am so sure, because not only have I believed in God, like many others, but I have believed God; I have believed what He says. I know the Scripture is true; and I have believed it.

 

God says in His Word, in John 3:36: “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who refuses to believe in the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.”

 

I thank God very much that he had mercy on me, that he rescued me and saved me, because I don't know what would have become of me. My life without Him had no meaning.

 

Hopefully you who read this story can also say the same. I found everything in God. I sincerely wish the same for you.

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